January 23rd, 2012 at 4:36PM
Wendy Harmer is one of the wittiest and funniest performers and writers in Australia. As a resident of both Melbourne and Sydney, she understands and addresses the long-standing rivalry and comparisons between the two cities. Here are a few excerpts from her very amusing article:SYDNEY:- Once a dumping ground for over-crowded British prison hulks, Sydney stays true to its origins by elevating corrupt police, con artists, colourful racing identities and Gold Coast hairdressers to the upper echelons of society.- Their wives – scrawny, vicious matrons with complexions resembling lizard skin handbags – lunch in Double Bay wearing citrus-coloured Chanel knock-offs and looking like fruit salad past its use-by date.- They are the only known group who could seriously challenge the De Beers diamond cartel if they weren’t permanently pissed on Moet. They are fond of spending $2000 a head on lunch to raise $300 for victims of Botox abuse and calling it “charity”. They eat their own young.- Sydney-siders still talk about the 2000 Olympics as if they were only yesterday. Home invasions were a demonstration sport, and the athletes village was built on a toxic waste dump, which presented no environmental concerns for a populace with a predilection for swimming in its own effluent.- The last time anyone found a parking spot within 10k of where they wanted to go, was in 1994. MELBOURNE:- Melbourne women all wear black in a vain attempt to make their bums look smaller. Melbourne men are weedy, sunken-chested specimens  from a gene pool sadly depleted when half the population moved to Queensland in the seventies.- The City has four seasons: “drizzle”,”overcast”, “blow a dog off a chain” and in February, “fry an egg on the footpath”.- Poorer Melburnians entertain at home because it’s the only way to avoid being shot by the police. - Melburnians have pompously styled themselves as “an enclave of European intellectualism in an antipodean cultural wasteland”, while the rest of the country sees them as a whining bunch of snobs and losers.…and as someone famously once said:  “If Melbourne were a person it would be Jean-Paul Sartre. If Sydney were a person it would be Paris Hilton.”( Read the entire article here )

Wendy Harmer is one of the wittiest and funniest performers and writers in Australia. As a resident of both Melbourne and Sydney, she understands and addresses the long-standing rivalry and comparisons between the two cities. Here are a few excerpts from her very amusing article:

SYDNEY:
- Once a dumping ground for over-crowded British prison hulks, Sydney stays true to its origins by elevating corrupt police, con artists, colourful racing identities and Gold Coast hairdressers to the upper echelons of society.

- Their wives – scrawny, vicious matrons with complexions resembling lizard skin handbags – lunch in Double Bay wearing citrus-coloured Chanel knock-offs and looking like fruit salad past its use-by date.

- They are the only known group who could seriously challenge the De Beers diamond cartel if they weren’t permanently pissed on Moet. They are fond of spending $2000 a head on lunch to raise $300 for victims of Botox abuse and calling it “charity”. They eat their own young.

- Sydney-siders still talk about the 2000 Olympics as if they were only yesterday. Home invasions were a demonstration sport, and the athletes village was built on a toxic waste dump, which presented no environmental concerns for a populace with a predilection for swimming in its own effluent.

- The last time anyone found a parking spot within 10k of where they wanted to go, was in 1994.


MELBOURNE:
- Melbourne women all wear black in a vain attempt to make their bums look smaller. Melbourne men are weedy, sunken-chested specimens  from a gene pool sadly depleted when half the population moved to Queensland in the seventies.

- The City has four seasons: “drizzle”,”overcast”, “blow a dog off a chain” and in February, “fry an egg on the footpath”.

- Poorer Melburnians entertain at home because it’s the only way to avoid being shot by the police.


- Melburnians have pompously styled themselves as “an enclave of European intellectualism in an antipodean cultural wasteland”, while the rest of the country sees them as a whining bunch of snobs and losers.



…and as someone famously once said:  “If Melbourne were a person it would be Jean-Paul Sartre. If Sydney were a person it would be Paris Hilton.”

( Read the entire article here )

#australian humour#melbourne and sydney rivalry#celebrating australia day
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